“Why the fuck did I say that? Like I thought my choice of words and views raised and general conversation was relevant and even interesting. The way I brought in those asides. When I took a more dominant status in the conversation that was OK too. In fact I thought I did well steering the discussion at that particular moment. And I was being a good listener too. And the way I drew person X into the conversation and sought to clarify what they meant by that subject that I know they are very interested in. I thought it was ok. Except when I said “ZZZ ZZZZ XXXX ZZZZ” what was I thinking! For fucksake. That would have surely changed their opinion of me! I was probably going quite ok up until that point? What comes over me that I have to make trite comments like that? Spoils everything I had said for the whole discussion. No wonder these people rarely choose to engage with me or ask me over for a visit. They just know that I am going to say something stupid and reveal that my intelligence is, you know, so so. That although not a bad guy can be annoying. Says a lot of stupid things. Really I should just listen more and not fucking say anything.”
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Music With My Insane Friend
Why is OK always capitalised? Wouldn’t that eat into the surplus?
Then, I notice the next two OKs are not capitalised. What the fuck is going on?
Understood though. The content of your blog that is. My whole life is a series of why the fuck did I say thats. With the NET now it’s more why the fuck did I write that. Do I put question marks at the end of those sentences? Technically they aren’t questions but statements, no? Yet, I keep talking and writing. What gives? Even this here comment. But it’s also a relentless barrage of tormenting thoughts and images in the head. It’s like the non-linearity of the dream state flowing into the waking one. Waking state looking over its shoulder at dream state and thinking, what the fuck are you doing here? Piss off. Your messing with my flow. Kind of like improvising really!
Yeah like why did I just post this?
Did I just post this?
Its there so I must of!
Mustn’t do that again?
There I just did it again.
What will they think of me now!
It sure does open a can worms. ‘The’ can of worms? The ‘can’ of worms?
Like why play?
Why perform?
To entertain?
To make people think ‘wow’ or just think?
To make people laugh? etc
And one can follow these questions through.
And there are all types of movements based on this type of questioning.
Bob at college used to say that people performed because at the bottom of it all people wanted to be loved.
But perhaps it is a lot simpler than that.
I wrote this because I am alive.
I played that because I am alive.
I read this because I am alive.
I heard that because I am alive.
Wow. I am alive. Wow. What a thing. Wow.